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Husband and
wife enjoying a glass of wine on the patio.
Wife says, “I love you soooo much”
Husband says “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Wife replies “Its me, talking
to the wine!!”
I told my girlfriend that I had a job in a
bowling alley.
She said “Ten
pin?”
I said “No,
permanent”
I went into an electrical shop and said “Can someone
sell me a kettle?” The bloke
says “Kenwood?” I said “Where
is he then?”
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck
Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
Two old friends playing golf when a funeral
procession passes the man just about to put stops takes his hat off and
bows his head,
“ wow that was so respectful”,
“ well I was married to her for thirty years”
At an auction in Manchester a wealthy American
announced that he had lost his wallet containing £10,000 and would give a
reward of £100 to the person who found it.
From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll give
£150!"
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I bought a
train ticket to France the other day. The ticket seller said “Eurostar”. I said,
“Well I’ve been on the telly, but I’m no Dean Martin”
Strange isn’t
it. You go into a library and shout Aaaaaaaggghhhh, and everyone just stares at you. Do the same thing on a plane and everyone joins in!!
Doc, I can’t
stop singing ‘The Green Green Grass of
Home’
That sounds
like Tom Jones syndrome.
“Is it common?”
It’s not
unusual.
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